Home.

Home has a new meaning for me. I’m realizing that after being here just for a day. Everyone tells me that my mom and Cierra talk about me for weeks leading up to my arrival. They say that she’s different when i’m around–happy, excited. That idea is foreign to me. I know I face my arrival (usually) with dread and sadness. I don’t want to be here–especially after i’m here. This trip has been different. I want to be here. I want to see her, spend time with her and my family. I long for that acually. I want to see them all–i’m not quite sure why though.

Today i spent time with my cousin Devin and her daughter Destiny–she’s 1 soon and totally adorable. Devin and I were always close. Well, not always. She is 9 days older than me and growing up we hated each other. She made my life hell. Then, we were close. We spend every day together, living in Barbie land and make-believe. We fought. We cried. We laughed. We were more like sisters than cousins. Then college for me and life for her (hugely filled up by Destiny) and out relationship has changed to hanging out on small occasions–less frequent than my visits home. But today was good. She took me to lunch and I played with Destiny. She loved me.

I also saw Brenna. She was born in Febuary. She was cute and small. I guess that’s a baby. They would talk about something and say “just wait til you have one, everything will change…..you’ll see what it’s like….” it makes me nervous and kinda mad. I still have a year of college. Kids are the farthest thing from my mind. I tell them that. i say it’s years away and I have to have a husband first but they laugh me off “I used to say that.” it’s not reasurring. But i know it won’t happen to me. I don’t want kids for like 10 more years. lol. seriously.

But home has been good. I don’t really know how to describe what I think home is. I think usually that it’s where i want to be. Then sometimes I think it’s where my family is. But i think it’s where i am. All the other factors only matter because of me. That old saying says “home is where your heart is” but i don’t think that my heart is ever all one place at one time. I think as i travel along I leave pieces of it at all the stops I make. I think that happens so that wherever i am, i’m home. Pakerburg…Anderson…NYC…Wahalla….All of those places can be home because it’s where I am.

Always, Dani